When Spouses Disagree About Parenting Issues - Positive Parenting
Learn what the common post-baby marriage problems are—and how to keep your me about how we are still married and our relationship is just as important . Our children make us laugh, smile and worry like we never had before, but it. The time to experience the true blessings of a marriage is not after the kids Adapted from Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to. Learn why treating your partner like a child has damaging effects to your Why Treating Your Spouse Like a Child Can Destroy Your Relationship If you have an immature or irresponsible husband, you may need to say this to yourself often: I am his wife, not his mother. Problems in the relationship.
If he did, his reward was that we'd do something special as a family later in the day. After a few weeks, he started looking forward to making plans for his "Sunday-morning-paper time.
You'll feel less guilty going out if you know your child is home having fun with that college student she likes.
Nicole and Craig Campbell, of Rowley, Massachusetts, love the outdoors. Even with four young kids, the two of them manage to hike, jog, and take long walks together. They also have a regular Saturday-night sitter, the same way her parents did. I'm afraid if we didn't do this now, when the kids are grown up, I'd look at Craig and say, 'Who are you? Jennifer and Dave Lucchese, of Vienna, Virginia, miss their freedom now that they have two kids.
As I discovered with Dan, it's pretty easy.
8 Shocking Ways Marriage Changes After Baby
If he gets home late, instead of snapping at him I try to be sympathetic. Later, he'll be more inclined to take over bath and bedtime duties. And when he tells me I'm sexy in sweats and a flannel shirt, no less I'm more likely to suggest going to bed early—for fun instead of sleeping.
This kind of feel-good behavior makes you want do nice things for your spouse every day because there's such gratifying payback. Go Out on a Limb Routines are great for little kids, but they can make a marriage stale. In my own zeal to reconnect with Dan, I signed us up for a weeknight pottery class. I figured, how hard could it be to make a pot? Very, as it turned out.
In our second class, I accidentally ran my potter's wheel backward, flinging clay at the walls. Dan emerged looking as if he'd been swimming in a mud hole. But a funny thing happened afterward. In a situation where discussing your child becomes a battle, try looking at another parents issue with a child and discuss together how that parent could do things differently and what each of you would do in the situation.
It is easier to know what someone else should do, so make sure to bring the discussion back to yourselves and see how you can apply that advice in the challenges you are facing with your children. For example, I had been having a difficult time know where to set boundaries with my 17 year old daughter. A friend of ours was having similar, yet even more extreme issues with his son, and his wife, the step-mom, and my husband parent similarly.
His answers were very interesting, not what I had expected, and guided my decision about how much I could and should involve my husband in the issues between my daughter and I.
If you have created the dynamic where one of you has become the strict one and the other the more lenient one, you may hate this advice, but it works.
The strict parent gets to be the parenting leader. You cannot do it in the reverse! If you follow this advice, what will happen is that the two of you will begin to move closer together.
In the group, the couple would explore why they feel so emotional about their view. Maybe the mom is compensating for what she didn't get as a child from her own parents.
Once she and her husband realize why this particular issue is so touchy, it's easier for them to be sympathetic and find a solution they're both comfortable with. What can couples do on their own if they want to improve their marriages?
8 Shocking Ways Marriage Changes After Baby
Work on issues with your partner when you're calm -- not at 2 a. Often after couples have had a fight, they're reluctant to bring up the issue again. But if you don't, it can linger and resentment can build.
If you argue in front of your kids, tell them later that you worked out your disagreement or show them that you did by calming yourselves down in front of them.
Make time for the relationship. You may not be able to afford a sitter or be ready to leave your baby, but you can check in with each other for at least 10 minutes every day. That can be done after you put the kids to bed or even on the phone while you're both at work, as long as you're sharing what happened to you that day and how it's affecting you emotionally. The pace of life today is so frenetic that few couples do this. But marriages are capable of change, and small changes can make big differences.
In your research, you've found that being in couples groups with trained leaders also helps children. Why do you think that is? We enrolled 66 of the couples in our second study in couples groups for four months. One half were in groups that focused more on the parent-child relationship, while the other were in groups that stressed the marital relationship. We conducted interviews with parents, observed the family interacting, asked teachers to fill out questionnaires about the couples' children, and gave the students achievement tests.
Those whose parents had been in groups of either type were doing better academically and having fewer behavioral and emotional difficulties than the children whose parents received no support. This was true even six years later. Interestingly, couples in both kinds of couples groups had become more responsive parents -- warmer and more skilled at setting realistic limits for their kids.
Decades of Studies Show What Happens to Marriages After Having Kids
But only the parents who were in the marriage-focused groups had developed more satisfying marriages. That tells us that if parents improve their relationship, they will not only improve the marriage but also become more effective parents.
- 1. The change is unavoidable—and often unspeakable
- 2. You might hate your partner a little bit
- To Successful
Do kids really know when their parents aren't happy with their marriages? We've found that kids sense when their parents are upset or in conflict even if their parents are not openly fighting. And from academic achievement tests and teacher reports, we know that the kids who feel responsible for their parents' conflicts don't do as well in school.
Despite all your research that reveals the toll kids take on relationships, you are optimistic about marriage and parenthood.