Overcoming possessiveness in a relationship

3 Ways to Be Less Possessive of Your Partner - wikiHow

overcoming possessiveness in a relationship

Often, those who suffer from the “curse” can sometimes feel more like a lobotomy victim than a romantic partner while in a relationship. It could be the way you. Noticing what triggers your jealousy is the first step to overcoming a pattern of possessiveness in your dating relationship. A written record in the form of daily. There are many reasons why people might feel possessive in their relationship, including having trust issues, being jealous, or having low.

These early experiences shaped our expectations about relationships and the defenses we formed then still play out in our lives today. That is why making sense of our own past and exploring our early attachment patterns can be very helpful in understanding our feelings of possessiveness as adults.

As adults, we may project these feelings onto our partner, feeling like we need to make things happen, remind them to notice us, etc. We may have a lot of anxiety about their movement, fearing rejection or abandonment. As a result, we relive the past, clinging or making efforts to control our partner, so we can feel secure. Unfortunately, because these feelings are rooted in our history, we rarely, if ever, get the reassurance we seek from acting out our old defenses in the present.

Instead, we repeat patterns from our childhood, acting on our insecurities, and often pushing our partner further away in the process.

The patterns and defenses we form growing up may have been adaptive to our childhood, but they can hurt our current relationships. However, there are real steps we can take to break patterns of defensiveness and achieve an equal and trusting relationship.

overcoming possessiveness in a relationship

Enhance our sense of self — If insecurity is at the root of our possessive behavior, we have to start to look at ways to bring more self-compassion into our lives. We have to take steps to overcome our inner critic and truly accept that we are worthy and okay on our own, independent of anyone. We are strong and capable. Even if our worst fears come true, and our partner does reject or betray us, we have to know that our world will not end.

Resist engaging in jealous, authoritative, or punishing behaviors — Actions like surveillance will only alienate our partner and drive a wedge between us. Plus, they lead us to feel bad about ourselves. No matter how anxious it makes us, we have to resist the urge to exert power over our partner.

He better not think he can just goof off every weekend. Current events trigger old, primal pain. Making sense of our story by creating a coherent narrative of our past can lead us to a great sense of self-understanding. It can help us know our triggers and feel calmer in the present.

Therapy can also be a life-changing tool when it comes to understanding and overcoming these feelings. Find ways to calm your anxiety — There are many methods for calming our anxiety. Mindfulness practices and breathing exercises both allow us to learn to sit with our thoughts and feelings without being overpowered by them or allowing them to control our behavior.

Some helpful exercises for alleviating anxiety can be found on the website PsychAlive. Who would love you anyway? This critic is often at the wheel when we experience relationship anxietydistorting our thinking and encouraging us to engage in possessive behavior. You can read more about how to to identify and stand up to your inner critic here.

Invest in your life — One of the most important steps we can take when dealing with possessive feelings and impulses is to focus on our own life. Do you always want to know where she is and who she is with? If you don't know does it make you anxious? Being possessive will kill any relationship, no matter how good it is otherwise. The overbearing nature of a possessive lover is so oppressive that it is only a matter of time before the relationship suffocates.

Your only option is to figure out how to stop being a possessive boyfriend.

Couples Therapy : How to Get Rid of a Possessive Boyfriend

Otherwise be prepared for her to leave. Live A Badass Life One common reason that men are possessive is that their girlfriend is the only positive thing in their life. Everything thing else is either broken or falling apart. Does this sound like you? When everything else is failing and she is your only bright spot it makes you afraid to lose her.

How To Stop Being A Possessive Boyfriend

So you end up holding on tighter, becoming more possessive of the one thing you think you can't afford to give up. The way out of this is to starting setting goals and making progress in other areas of your life. Get fit, succeed in your career and nurture your relationships with friends and family. Find happiness in other pursuits so you don't depend entirely on your girlfriend for your well being.

When the rest of your life is awesome it will still hurt if your girlfriend ends it with you.

overcoming possessiveness in a relationship

It just won't be as soul destroying as it would be if you had nothing else going for you. You don't need to be so afraid of it happening so you won't need to cling to her as tight.

Become More Confident Possessiveness stems from a lack of confidence and a lack of self esteem. You don't think you are worthy of your girlfriend. You don't think she should have chosen you and you are afraid that she is going to realize this at any moment and flee.

So you manipulate and control her in order to keep her with you. In order to stop being possessive you need to increase your self worth. If you are awesome and you know you are awesome then she isn't going to leave you for someone else.

Be Mine: Dealing with Possessiveness in a Relationship - PsychAlive

Accept That You Can't Control Her Actions The underlying idea behind controlling and possessive behavior is that you can prevent an unwanted outcome cheating or a break up if only you try hard enough.

To stop being possessive you need to accept that this in fact is impossible. You cannot stop your girlfriend cheating if she really wanted to do it. She would find a way. So instead you just accept that her behavior is not something you can influence. It might be uncomfortable but this is what trust is all about. Make The Relationship Good If you take positive action to make the relationship enjoyable and fulfilling to her then you have no need to worry or be possessive. You are creating an incentive for her to be faithul.

On the other hand if you fill the relationship with your negativity, fear and possessive behavior then she is probably going to bail on you at some point. It's quite hard to eradicate negative thoughts and behaviors. What is easier is to work on actively cultivating positive thoughts and behaviors. By injecting some life into the relationship the negative impact of possessive behavior will be diminished.

Address The Underlying Insecurity Possessive behavior doesn't just come out of nowhere. It is triggered by some deeper underlying insecurity. This may be a hurt from a past relationship, or feelings of abandonment you experienced as a child.

Sometimes it is necessary to uncover these old wounds in order to process them, heal and be ready to love. I had to do this after my second serious relationship ended.

It brought up all sorts of insecurities, which I spent about a year addressing. It turns out I had suppressed some painful childhood memories and these were affecting my wellbeing. After discovering them, processing them and discussing the issues with my parents I was able to move on.

I was a stronger person and ready for a new relationship. I just needed to shine a light on a splinter I didn't know I had. Don't Be Needy Everyone needs space at times. Time to be alone or time to hang out with other people.

Don't demand all of your girlfriend's time. When she needs space it isn't a reflection on you or a sign she is unhappy with you. It's just what normal people need from time to time. So instead of letting that get to you, you should encourage it. A happier individual makes for a happier relationship. Don't Be Jealous Insecurity is an internal state of mind where you have low confidence and low self worth.

Jealousy is where you desire something that someone else has. Possessiveness is when you refuse to let something that you have go.